I cannot sit still. My mind is flicking through 101 things simultaneously. Concentrating on anything is too much.
Right now I want to go to the gym, cook, plan a party, work, complete my trainings, get my new bike, journal, blog, photograph, develop.
But my head and my heart will not settle on one thing. I feel like just going for a walk and chilling for the evening. My head is telling me exercise.
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been on a very emotional journey which took me from thoughts of suicide to elation. I recognised my imbalanced mood and emotions. I started myself back on my Prozac again.
Evidentially sustaining a period of sunshine in life is hard work. I find myself staring out of the window more and more yearning to just be outside.
I find myself running circuits in my mind. Unable to focus. Unable to let this trapped energy out.
I find myself less stressed and concerned with being in pace X, Y, Z.
Life feels messy right now. And I don’t have the answers just random events.
As I remind myself to look forward; what are the goals really trying to achieve and what’s the step I can take now to get there.
That’s what I need to focus on the journey, not the wants or results.