No legacy is so rich as honesty.

William Shakespeare

Am I being honest with myself? Do I really understand my situation? Do I know where:

  1. Physically I am
  2. Mentally I am
  3. Emotionally I am
  4. Where I am in the eyes of others
  5. Where I am in the eyes of my higher power

When lost it is best to be completely honest with myself. The hardest part is admitting there is, no thought, no plan, no plot that can get me back on track. And in fact whatever it is that I or you want to do in life someone has done it and it is possible to do.

The Broken Compass hostel, where I found myself consuming magic mushrooms staring at the hostel sign with dragons flying round me pondering: is my life compass broken?

Trouble is, what if you don’t know what you want to do? What if your a little broken? What if all the stuff I have in my life means nothing?

What do you have in your life backpack?

Bear with me. If life is to be experienced and explored, and we are the collectors of people, places and things then we carry a lot. Here a clip from Up in the Air explains much more eloquently about our life backpack:

Up in the Air, 2009

Pack your backpack. All your things, those things you want to do, your relationships, your trauma, your friends, emotions, worries, health, hopes, homes, experiences, mortgage, money, bills, everything. Put that backpack on.

That backpack is heavy. And the pain of that backpack can make us do weird, stupid things. Some people “jay walk” to get a thrill from the numbness of that backpack, metaphorically stopping the flow of blood going round our body.

“Jay walking” is a euphemism for stuff we do to numb the pain. Eating (or not), having sex, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, telling ourselves lies, using people, social media, being codependent, exercising, working, not working, shopping, playing video games, gambling and so on.

None of these things will lighten the load of our life backpack

Imagine a life where you took of your life backpack and walked away. How much freer would you be? How much lighter would your load be? How much more would you be able to live?

How do I do this?

Compassion for yourself. Live with that weight. Not in pain, but in recognition of all the shit going on for you. It’s a lot. Don’t stop to analyse it all. Don’t stop to think. Don’t stop to blame others.

Feel the weight of it all. Yes you. It’s heavy. I know. Let me help you with that.

Stepping out of a spiritual place and into my own head is a dangerous place to live.

My head and my perception of the world can be so warped of my actual reality that it is shrouded in self put, self hate and a whole river of denial (not just found in Egypt).

From the great pain of honesty comes a great strength. It takes a lot carry our whole lives round with us everyday.

When we speak and reveal the truth of anything, we are shining a light on a situation. Revealing the elephant in the room.

And I can share, I can let it out, I can let it go.

The elephant need acknowledgement and validation.

When I am honest with myself, and it starts with me , I am able to share with others, and believe that something or someone else can help me. When I don’t have the basic precipice, honesty, the good will never happen. Sometimes I need to ask for an honest evaluation of the situation.

The checklist I want to do everyday

Checklisting is an effective way of making sure that we’ve done everything we need to and that ensure we’ve evaluated the day. I don’t have to follow it exactly, but it is useful to browse through to pinpoint what it is I need to do, to lighten the backpack.

  • Have I told someone I loved them, the look beautiful or complimented them today?
  • Have I told someone what I really felt or thought?
  • Did I help someone?
  • Have I just told someone about some of the shit going on in my life?
  • Did I smile at a stranger today?
  • Did I try something new?
  • Did I read something?
  • Did I exercise mentally or physically?
  • Did I do something just for myself?
  • Did I recall a dream or something I wanted to do?
  • Did I let go of something that wasn’t serving me anymore?
  • Did I let out my hopes, worries, fears and whisper them out to the nothingness in the hope they would be heard? Did I do this for someone else?
  • Did I have faith in something or someone other than myself today?
  • Did I let go of anything negative and anything that didn’t work out?
  • Was I really honest with myself today?
  • Were the people I had in my company today, the people I want to carry about with me for the rest of my life?

And slowly but surely I became more honest, and continue to do so. And so as I share with the world, my backpack becomes a little lighter. Namaste.

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