Patience is bitter but it’s fruit is sweet

John Jacques Rousseau

I have never had patience at the right time. The trick of life is not to be so much patient but patient for the right things.

Throughout this recovery I’ve been learning to let this flow and to find my zen. Sometimes I can be a tornado ripping through my village of life ripping everything up and replacing it all with very little grace.

Small steps send us on an entirely new path in life

I have come to understand that it really is the small things and small directions that make the biggest impact. Our first small steps are the most subtle, but most enduring in any forecast of change.

For instance in my life , a simple recipe book, Eat like you give a f*ck resulted in a whole new dietary and culinary direction. Slowly but surely over time I learned the basics and many new things and transformed theory into practice.

So often I have wanted to just change everything all at once; and this is what is happening right now. It terrifies me. Yesterday I was with a friend and anxiety caught up with me; overstimulated, overwhelmed. I’m changing myself and everything around me.

Patience provides the eye of the storm. That moment in the midst of carnage where everything falls still and there are moments to evaluate and pick the most important things.

Meditation is the eye of the storm.

Let me be clear I hate meditation. I cannot sit still. Mindfulness I can live with. Both are the simple act of bringing the mind into the right now and away from planning, thoughts, anxieties, day dreaming and worries.

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And so I sat in the National Portrait Gallery in the midst of a panic attack. And shut my eyes, breathed and focussed on anything around me.

Meditation didn’t make me happy but it ended the panic. My anxious brain bought me back into the moment and I was able to focus on what was ahead.

Image courtesy Sarah Anderson

Patience with ourselves and Patience with the world around us

And it is with these techniques that in the panic, stress, anxiety, overstimulation, thoughtlessness, fight or flight that we can develop patience.

And wait for the calmness and the eye of the storm. Through this I develop clarity and let go of the instant urge to overthink, do straight away or act on a compulsion.

I no longer need to be patient, but instead become one with a path where things happen as they happen and I move one foot in front of the other. Never stop moving, and never loose patience.

Soul II Soul – Keep on Moving – A Motivational Song